Being a new mum does crazy things to your rational thought doesn’t it? Your other mummy friends, your mum, your granny, they can all tell you about this immense surge of love you’ll feel when you meet your baby and how those surges will continue and completely overwhelm you, but you just don’t understand until it happens.
No one says “you’ll love your baby so much it’ll hurt and you’ll cry. Lots.” No one says “you’ll look at your baby and as he/she smiles back at you, your heart will melt and your eyes will leak tears like a dodgy hose pipe”. And that’s all part of the nature of the mother. You are your baby’s everything. You instantly become a lioness; protecting your baby is your every mission and with that your head can go a bit c-razy!!!
I don’t mean to sound flippant with that choice of adjective; my posts tend to be light hearted and positive but I am totally understanding of the hardships women face having had a baby.
Anyway, my kinda crazy is this guilt thing again. Yesterday, I really wanted a bath. Not a long soak with soothing music playing and candles burning, just a dip in warm water and a place to shave my hideous gorilla legs in more comfort! But… I was hit with a wave of questions:
Do I really have time for this in the baby-feeding window? Will baby be ok on his playmat, in the bathroom, with me while I selfishly laze about? How selfish am I to want a bath?! Should I save the money on bath water for when baby needs one…?! Maybe just jump in the shower again?
All these questions were ridiculous because in the time I’d dilly-dallied about, I could’ve had two baths while baby slept!! But this is the crazy thing. I feel this guilt about even thinking about doing things for me which is mad because I still have to be me. I don’t-not pee in a day for fear of not being with my baby (why I used that example, I don’t know!) I have to eat to keep us both strong and healthy but I don’t think, oooooh you’re enjoying that food you selfish mother, no more enjoying stuff for you. It’s so silly.
So… I had my bath. I wasn’t long and baby did play quite happily with me within arm’s reach. All was fine. Relaxed, preened mummy.
Note to self and other mummies… you HAVE to have some YOU time; even if just a few minutes and don’t feel bad about it!!